Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Memories. Passion. Alone. Mourn. Guilt. Loneliness. Regret. Peace. Relationships. Unfamiliar. If you put God first, you'll never be last. This is grief at the cookout, hosted by DiCarlo Raspberry.
[00:00:19] Hello, hello, family, and welcome to season two of Grief at the cookout. I'm so glad that you all have joined and just tuned in for a little bit. This first episode of season two is going to be a little bit different from the others. It's just me talking today. I just want to share a few thoughts and how I'm feeling and just have you consider a few things. But I thank you all for joining in. I am DiCarlo Raspberry, the host, the conceptualizer of grief here at the cookout.
[00:00:54] I just want to thank you all for tuning in. The first season was filled with a lot of stuff, a lot of different conversations. Ten jampacked episodes with fellow friends of mine, new colleagues, all of that. And so I just thank you all for just tuning in. We had a great time that season and knowing that I did take a year off starting a new job. But coming back, I said I had to get back to this. And let me tell you, this season is shaping up. We have some powerful stories, some great people that are joining me, people I've already started recording and have had people that have already joined me as well. But this season has shaped up pretty well. I just wanted to just talk a little bit about gratitude.
[00:01:48] Just a little bit about it.
[00:01:51] Gratitude. The definition is thanks and appreciation.
[00:01:57] I'm sitting here giving thanks and appreciation to everyone.
[00:02:01] This podcast was conceived out of grief, and I'm pretty sure those who have listened to the episodes have heard how this podcast came about. I'll just recap it a little bit. I lost my father on Valentine's Day in 2018, and I went through this process of just grief, but this was grief at a different scale that I've never experienced it.
[00:02:35] I lost my grandmother and I've lost my grandfather, and that was a separate grief of its own. But to lose a parent is a whole different type of grief.
[00:02:45] And this grief was the sort that led me to depression, and I didn't know what depression was because I've never experienced it.
[00:02:58] But going through that process and lending myself to the process, to allow myself to grieve was very difficult.
[00:03:08] I'm a professional actor, and performing was something that I was doing around the time that my dad was ill. And when he did transition, I was still performing. And I never actually had the proper.
[00:03:26] I don't even know if there is a proper is there really a proper way to grieve, but the proper time to grieve? Because I was just going, going.
[00:03:36] That's a trait that I got from my dad, but going and going and going, only for about six months later to kind of hit rock bottom, emotionally wise. And I realized, wow, I'm depressed, lashing out, angry at people.
[00:03:59] And I had to figure out a way how to get through that. I sought help, talked with a therapist, and I still have a therapist today because those times get rough.
[00:04:11] So I don't know if you all noticed. The first season was released on Valentine's Day, and this season, season two, is also going to be released on Valentine's Day, starting with this episode.
[00:04:28] And it's not by chance, I don't think. This time I tried to do it at the top of the year and say, I'm going to go and do this at the top of the year, but I kind of got pushed back a little bit, working around schedules and talking with my guests and figuring out what is the best time, because it's a lot of organizing that go into it. But I ended up finding out that I lost a very good, close teacher of mine, the educator of my life. And we're going to speak her name. Her name is Miss Angela Jones. She departed from us January 14 of this year, and I really hit a good place of grief just learning of her passing and knowing that she's not here in this earth realm. This woman was royalty. She was regal, she was honest, she was caring, she was straightforward. She was a huge supporter of me as a performer, but also of the podcast as well. She was such a huge encourager. And it's because of her that I'm even able to have these honest conversations. Knowing that this podcast was birthed out of grief and birth out of a place where I need an outlet to talk to other people who are grieving about what are they doing and what are their tips and tricks and their tools and how are they making it through is also very therapeutic for me to listen to them talk about it.
[00:06:21] But this woman instilled in me a lot of values, and it's because of her I am the person that I am today. She really put forth the role model and the demonstration of how to be unapologetic, how to command the space that you're in, how to command the room, how to be yourself and get the respect that you deserve just from being yourself and being black. Sometimes it's really hard to command the room when there's people that don't respect us because of the color of our skin.
[00:07:01] But this black queen was simply amazing.
[00:07:05] We talked about so many different topics.
[00:07:09] I used to cut class just to go see her and talk with her. And mind you, I'm in middle school.
[00:07:17] But we would talk about so many different topics. And it's just ironic that with her passing and me embarking on this second season, that all of the topics that I am talking about, that I want to talk about, that I will be having in the coming days are all different topics and situations that Ms. Jones had instilled in me.
[00:07:47] Drive and affirmations. How to be kind to yourself. How to have acceptance, how to protect yourself. How to follow your drive, your path. How to move in times of uncertainty and with transition. And how to have faith. Her faith was strong. Her faith was strong. I mean, this woman always had a smile on her face, and you knew when you saw her. For those of us who like to cut up, when you saw Ms. Joe, I'm about to cut up.
[00:08:28] She was just a huge role model. So there will be a proper episode for her. I have a guest that will be joining me, but there will be a proper episode honoring her. But this entire season, this season two of grief at the cookout will be dedicated to the late, great Miss Angela Jones.
[00:08:56] It's so weird to just talk and not have anyone here to talk. But when you have gratitude and when you have thanks, it's just something that's really on the inside, and it's something that's just bubbling up on the inside because of that gratitude and because of that thanks, it's a feeling that you have. It brings about a joy.
[00:09:22] And we talk about grief on this podcast as the absence of joy.
[00:09:30] But when you're thankful, and here's the thing. You may not have everything that you want. You may not be in the place that you would like to be. But I believe it's all about your posture and how you are handling the situation, wherever it may be, good or bad.
[00:09:53] Do you still have some type of thanks?
[00:09:56] When we lose people, we lose loved ones.
[00:10:01] I think what has helped me in the process of that is being thankful for what they were able to bring to my life, what they have instilled in me, and how am I now able to use it and be a better version of myself so that I can help other people be a better version of theirselves.
[00:10:23] When we look at grief in the workplace and knowing I didn't get the job or I got the job, and things are not going the way that I expected or how I wanted it to go. I'm still grateful that I have a roof over my head that I'm still able to provide in some shape or form. It may not be the best, it may not be exactly what I thought, but I still have gratitude, and I still have thanks for it. And then I know on the back end, okay, now I need to figure out, what am I going to do so that I can be totally happy and in a very good space.
[00:11:03] When we look at friendships, sometimes our friendships go haywire. Sometimes friendships are just for seasons. And I think that when we kind of learn that, we're kind of thankful that you were my friend for this moment. But you know what? Our friendship might have fizzled out, or this moment of us connecting may have fizzled out. And that's okay, because where I'm going, not everyone can go with me. So you look at the gratitude of that and just say, thank you, Jesus.
[00:11:36] But just having simple gratitude for what's happening in our lives, what we're embarking on, what we're getting ready to do, what the past looked like, people talk about, oh, it's not good to dwell on the past. No, we shouldn't dwell on the past, but we should not forget, because when we forget, we forget where we came from. And I think when we forget where we come from, we kind of stifle our gratitude. We stifle our thanksgiving for the things that we didn't have, the thought processes that we didn't have, the connections that we didn't have then, but that we have now.
[00:12:22] So it's important to always kind of just remember, I know where I come from.
[00:12:31] We look at the world that we're living in, and we see things are going haywire in our country and politics and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. The fact that we just have life. Gratitude.
[00:12:46] When we look at the time of sickness that we went through, through a pandemic, through Covid-19 everyone didn't make it. But those of us who are still here, gratitude.
[00:13:01] Whether you believe in God or you don't believe in God or whatever higher power that you do believe, gratitude, it's always a place where you can find solace and where you can find peace.
[00:13:18] So today, Valentine's day, whatever day that you all may celebrate, love day, whatever, I just want you to consider gratitude.
[00:13:36] Think about what you have, where you've been, where you want to go to, and the gratitude that you can put in each respected area.
[00:13:53] Living in a place that sometimes is easy. Sometimes it's difficult even living in our minds sometimes.
[00:14:03] For people who are so analytical, like myself, I'm just thankful.
[00:14:12] I'm appreciative for everything, even looking at the bad things that may have happened or the not so smart decisions and not so good choices, things that we learn from. I have gratitude and I have appreciation for it. Because without it, I wouldn't be able to move forward in the right direction.
[00:14:35] So, gratitude. Here we are in black History Month, celebrating those who have came before us, those who have paved the way.
[00:14:47] Gratitude.
[00:14:49] Gratitude. Gratitude. Gratitude. So, family, consider gratitude.
[00:14:58] Consider thanks.
[00:15:00] Consider appreciation.
[00:15:04] Know that in your push that you can still give thanks and still give gratitude. Even in those dark times where it seems rough, where it seems like you don't know if you're going to make it.
[00:15:24] Gratitude. Find some type of thanks and appreciation in every situation, and I'm pretty sure it'll bring you some type of joy and most importantly, some type of strength. I love you. You might join in grieving, but you're going to come out healed. I love you and thank you.
