Leap Of Faith with Kammeran Tyree

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Memories. Passion alone. [00:00:02] Speaker B: Mourn. Guilt. Loneliness. [00:00:04] Speaker A: Regret. [00:00:05] Speaker B: Peace. Relationships unfamiliar. [00:00:08] Speaker A: If you put God first, you'll never be last. [00:00:11] Speaker B: This is grief at the cookout, hosted by DiCarlo Raspberry. Hello, family, and welcome to grief at the cookout. Today I am joined by very good friend and colleague Cameron Tyree. Cameron is a native of Baltimore, Maryland, holds two master degrees from Notre Dame of Maryland and Savannah College of Art and Design, as well as a bachelor's degree from North Carolina's Central university. An actor, director, educator, entrepreneur, and neurodivergent specialist describes Cameron's breadth of work and experience, as well as the founder and executive director of Rise Arts center of Baltimore. Join us as we discuss faith and the challenges of taking that leap into your future. All right, well, Cameron saint, good friend, welcome to the cookout. It's so good to see you because actually I see you. [00:01:17] Speaker A: Come on. Come on and see. [00:01:21] Speaker B: I'm so glad to have you on the podcast, season two. Come on, it's about to get hot. [00:01:27] Speaker A: Come on. [00:01:28] Speaker B: We talking about everything real raw, honest conversation. So st in true grief at the cookout, fashion, you know, I have to ask you, what is your favorite cookout food? [00:01:39] Speaker A: So I have many, but I will say on my mind right now, give me a little rib. [00:01:46] Speaker B: Oh, give me a little or big? [00:01:49] Speaker A: I just need a little rib that's falling off the bone. Just a little rib. [00:01:54] Speaker B: You like it a little smoked first and then sauced? [00:01:59] Speaker A: Oh, my God, yes. A little sauce. Not too much sauce. [00:02:05] Speaker B: Not too much. Just enough. Just enough. [00:02:07] Speaker A: My God. [00:02:08] Speaker B: Just enough. Like a thick sauce or a thin sauce? This is important. [00:02:12] Speaker A: That's a good question. I'm going to say a thin. It don't got to be thick. [00:02:16] Speaker B: You like a little wet? [00:02:18] Speaker A: A little wet. [00:02:20] Speaker B: I like. [00:02:25] Speaker A: It does. [00:02:28] Speaker B: I may have to edit that out. [00:02:34] Speaker A: Hello. Wet. [00:02:35] Speaker B: Oh, God. All right. Well, there you have it. You like some ribs? I don't remember past guests liking ribs. Maybe so, but I know, like, I'm a sides person. So today I'm feeling a little potato salad in my spirit that Auntie cook with the fat under the arm. Okay, for those who are listening, you are hearing me call Cameron Saint. That is our term of endearment. So if you hear me call her saint, just go with us. Don't go against us. Amen. So it's great to have you here. We have, as you heard in the beginning, the bio actress, a business owner, an entrepreneur, all different types of things. And this particular episode is called the Leap of faith. And I think that it's important that we talk about the leap of faith in our community, because that's so many different types of things, leaps of faith. It covers a whole multitudinous, I don't even know if that's a word, multitudinous array of things. But specifically, we want to talk today about starting a business, starting a nonprofit, starting whatever, and we want to talk about that leap of faith. So, my dear friend, talk to us a little bit about your business that you started, your nonprofit, rise, and just give us a little introduction, just a little bit. [00:04:21] Speaker A: Sure. Glad to be here. Good saint again. I am Cameron Jiggers. Cameron Tyree jiggers. I am the executive director and founder of Rise Art center of Baltimore. Rise stands for reach for your dreams, inspire creativity, stay focused, and evolve to step into your purpose, which is what we desire for each of our youth and young adults that we work with. Our mission is that we provide a arts base. Entrepreneurship, musical theater, creative writing, all various arts disciplines to youth with intellectual disabilities such as autism. That's our main focus within Baltimore City. And now we're expanding. So we're going to be all throughout Maryland. So, yeah, that's a little bit about this. [00:05:08] Speaker B: I love this. So what was the idea that made you decide that you wanted to start rise? [00:05:19] Speaker A: Yeah, so I'm a performer at heart. Went to school for it. It wasn't until I would say I got to SCad. I was at Savannah College of Art and Design. And if you know SCAD, it was very hard to, as a black woman, a black woman that is not an ongenu, to receive roles on stage and even in the film department, it's just very difficult to receive roles and just break the door through for those kinds of opportunities. However, I found my voice, I would say at a children's theater called Savannah Children's Theater. There I did musical directing, voice directing. I taught acting classes, and I really fell in love with it. But I still wanted to perform. Like, my main goal was, I'm going to perform. I'm going to be on somebody's Broadway, maybe on tv, I'm going to perform. So it wasn't until 2016 when my grandmother passed away. And mentally, I was not okay, and I was actually performing in Milwaukee. I moved back home. I ended up getting a job to help my family out, and I became a performing arts teacher and director at a school here in Baltimore. And I fell in love with it. And when I went to the interview, I did not know that the school specifically specialized in working with youth who had intellectual disabilities. Something I should have done my research with, but with everything going on, I was just like, I need a job. I know I can teach. I love children. I'm just going to apply for it. Called me in for an interview and I got the job and I loved it. I saw so many kids who are nonverbal, so many kids who had add adhd, and they would be in their academic classes with one to one supports and not able to fully do the work on their own, just like needing that support or not able to sit still to fully listen to what's happening in their lesson. But when they came to performing arts, I mean, they really, really shined. Like one student who was nonverbal, by the end of her three years with me, she was able to get on stage and sing a song in front of an audience. Like, that was huge. So, yeah, so from that experience and just seeing the kids grow, talking to parents, a lot of the parents would ask me, well, I know my child is capable of so much more, and we've seen that, especially within the arts. But the only jobs that are offered to them because of their disability are customer service jobs or janitorial services, food services, things like that. I want more for them. And so out of that experience and seeing the gap of opportunities for people with disabilities, I came up with rise and rise. Actually, the name rise came to me in my dream. I was sleep one night. I was like, I have an idea. I want to start this nonprofit. I don't necessarily want it to be a school, but I want it to be somewhere in Baltimore for kids who are underserved, underrepresented. And so I went to sleep one night and I could see the word rise. And I heard the Holy Spirit say rise. And I woke up and I put the notes in my phone. I said, I think that's it. It's rise. And then a whole bunch of other ideas just started coming to me about the mission and specifically who we're serving, how we're going to serve them. Yeah. So it was birthed out of that experience. Yeah. [00:09:14] Speaker B: It's interesting that you said, let me double back real quick. When we talk about grief on the podcast, we talk about the absence of joy. So it's always interesting that when we're reaching for something, that there's already grief that has happened and that has taken place prior to the birthing process of something that we want to do. And you mentioned being a woman. Come on, lips in SCAD, if you were not an angenu, it was difficult. Now, for those who don't know what Angenu is. Explain to them what angenu is. [00:09:58] Speaker A: So the typical type of lead role that you would see someone who is smaller, someone who is fair, mostly at SCAD, since SCAD is a predominantly white institution. White, caucasian. Yeah. Just like the. A type of person that you would see on tv and on stage. And I am none of that. [00:10:22] Speaker B: So it's interesting because we could take a turn here and just talk specifically about theater and the disparities in theater. But for the overall view, if you didn't look like the type of person or didn't have the same qualities, you were not given those chances. And for black people in theater, we only have about a handful of shows. We have about a handful of shows. And so everything else they would have to cast out of the norm. You know what I mean? And so for those who don't know, that's kind of the backstory about that. Now, you said you had dreamed rise, dreamed about rise. And so I just want to pause right here and really think about, for those who are listening to think about your dreams and taking a leap of faith or taking a jump or deciding to do something that's outside of the norm, it starts with a dream. Whether that's something that you have opened your mouth to say, it's something that, it's a seed. And so it's up to you to decide, am I going to take the seed? Am I going to nurture it? Am I going to harvest it? Am I going to put it in the ground? And I'm going to bring fruition, too. You know what I mean? So working at the job that you were working at, knowing that there was something more that you wanted to do leading up into starting this nonprofit called rise, talk to us a little bit about the process that led to this particular leap of faith. [00:12:18] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:23] Speaker B: Not initially, but what you really did was, and for most people, even post pandemic, a lot of people left their jobs and they started businesses here and different things like that. But we don't really understand what it takes to actually leave what your security blanket and leave what was good for you to move into a more happier space for yourself. That may not necessarily mean that you're making more money. It could be that you're making a cut. Talk to us a little bit about that process of the birthing, because that's all, like, a birthing process. [00:13:08] Speaker A: Yes, it is. So while I was teaching, the job made me, they knew that I had a master's degree in performing arts. It still makes me mad. To this day, they knew I had a master's degree in performing arts, and I was teaching performing arts. But in the state of Maryland, you have to go through the teaching certificate process. And so along with that, you have to take the praxis. And the praxis is a comprehensive test of reading, writing, and math. And it's based on, I guess, the Maryland state curriculum of what they're teaching kids today. So you have to pass those three tests. And I passed the writing, I passed the reading, but I did not pass the math. I took that math practice 14 times, and I failed each time. And through that process, I was angry, I was frustrated, I was hurt. My self esteem was just diminished. And the school that I was teaching at, I was one of the only black teachers. One of the only black teachers. And to be one of the only black teachers, automatically, you know, as black people, we got to show up, and when we show up, we got to. [00:14:30] Speaker B: Come with it all, because the bar for us is higher than those of. Okay, yeah, exactly. [00:14:43] Speaker A: So I was hurt. And what the job did was they ended up promoting my assistant, who had none of my credentials, to my position, and then they demoted me to her position. I was hurt. I was mad, I was angry. I didn't understand why God put me in this situation. And this was before, like, really before, I thought that I was capable to start rise, because at that time, I was just like, no, this is what I feel like I'm called to do. I feel like I'm reaching these kids. I feel like I can do even more in my role. I just knew it was it. And I didn't understand why God was making me go through this process of taking this test, of feeling humiliated in front of all of these white people. And then that's when I came up with the thought. I was like, okay, so, Cameron, if you don't want to be in this situation, if you feel like God is telling you to make that pivot, which I believe that this is what he's telling you, what can you do with what he has given you? And so I said, well, I love children's theater. I love working with kids with special needs. I think I'm going to start a nonprofit. And I just started to write stuff down, the ideas down that I had. I started to talk with some of the parents. I used my resources, okay? Some parents even donated. When I told them, I said, I think I'm going to start a nonprofit here in Baltimore. Families donated in order to help me get all the startup fees with filling out the nonprofit application that comes with the fee, making sure it's trademarked. That's a fee. So the parents were just pouring into me, and I was like, okay, this is what I'm supposed to do. But I couldn't think of a name. I was like, I don't know what to call this. And I tossed around ideas. I talked to some of my friends. I was like, I could call it this, I could call it that. And I would pray about it. Pray about it. And then one night, God came to me and specifically told me the name and gave me direction on what this organization specifically will be and who it is going to be for. And everything started to flow after that. And I just said, lord, I trust you. [00:17:11] Speaker B: Come on. The hands lifted. Now, let me ask you something. I heard you talk about being embarrassed in front of your peers. These are your colleagues, the people that you work with. I heard you talk about failure. I heard you talk about anger. I heard you talk about self esteem with the demotion of what had taken place, what pushed you past all of those different things to get to this part of your purpose, because this is not your total purpose where you are right now. This is a part of your purpose. But so often, I think that a lot of people get stuck in places where they feel, like all of their feelings, all the feelings that you feel are valid. And because of all of these feelings, you therefore feel, you know what? I'm inadequate. I can't do this. I've failed. I'm this. I'm that. You had a storm before even going to your next, essentially going through all of this, and then you want to go through all of this, to only go through the trials and tribulations of starting a business, because that's not easy. So what in you made you push beyond the failure, the hurt, the anger, all of that, to even want to say, I'm still going to do a portion of my purpose. I'm still going to complete this. This is not the total end for me, but this is a part of my path. So, yeah. How did you push through that? [00:19:05] Speaker A: That is such a good question. Because it was so hard. I guess I just knew that there was more. Even though in the beginning of it, I felt like there wasn't. I was like, no, this is it. But I was like, no, okay, it's not happening for a reason. There has to be more. There has to be more. And I think at the time, I was going to church with you, and. [00:19:34] Speaker B: I think that's Janice Jackson from episode one Love freed me. Okay. I just had to plug that in. [00:19:43] Speaker A: But, yeah, I think having the village of believers who are not necessarily people that you fellowship with, but people who also pour into you, I think that also really helped me push. Just no matter what, keep going. If you want to take the test again, take the test again, but keep going. You got this. There's more. There's so much more. And once I opened my eyes, I felt like there was a release that happened when it was just something that just clicked after I just threw up my hands and said, okay, lord, I trust you. I know I'm good at this. You've given me these talents. Show me how to use it. That's a tough question. [00:20:32] Speaker B: When I think about it. For me, when I think about the process it took for me to leave my job to decide that I want to perform full time, I think it was the drive and knowing what with secondary, there is more, and there is more. And I have to look at what I have, the blessings that I've had, the accomplishments, the achievements that I've had, and say, okay, there's more for me to do, but how do I push past, okay, you're not going to see a check every two weeks at times. You're not going to see this. You're not going to see that. What's going to push you to this next journey and a leap of faith. I'm a firm believer there's not one topic on this podcast that I'm talking to a person about that I have not already been through. Okay. Talking to you about your leap of faith reminds me about my leap of faith and still in the faith. Okay, I took a leap. I trust you. But now I'm still in this faith and in this faith walk of that everything is going to be okay and that you haven't brought me this far to leave me. And I know those phrases are so cliche, but it's one of those things where you literally have to hold on to your trust, factor in who God is and also lean into who he's created you to be and the tools that you have in your arsenal to get things done. Because I believe that at this point in time, I wasn't taken out by Covid. I could have been taken out by Covid. But at this point, if I don't start living and walking fully in who I am and begin that walk, I won't be happy. I will be miserable. So why stay in a place where you're not happy, where you're miserable, where you know that there's more for you, but because of the fear factor. And the fear factor is real. But why stay there when there is more? At some point, we're going to have to take some type of leap to our happiness. Just pure happiness. That's number one. Outside of everything else is okay. This could be more. But first of all, I have to be happy. And I realized that I was sick and tired of going to a place of work. Not happy. [00:23:14] Speaker A: Not happy. [00:23:17] Speaker B: And it's the same thing sometimes. We need a change. And I believe that this generation of people around our age that are growing up, that we're not doing the same things that our parents did or that our grandparents did. And I'm going to work this job and put my retirement in for this and this and that. And even retirement right now is being threatened. You know what I mean? It's a little bit different for us because they raised us to be large thinkers, free thinkers. And when you raise me to be that, it's hard to contain me in a box. [00:23:59] Speaker A: Just one box. [00:24:00] Speaker B: In just one box. You have raised me to be this type of thinker and this type of being that can conquer so many different things. You've given me the courage to do it. So if you've given me the courage to do it, I'm going to go ahead and act on it. Not everyone does that. But I mean, the people in my circle do. But you want to have those people in your circle that are able to make choices, bold choices, large choices, big choices, to get to their happiness. You know what I mean? But it's just so interesting that all of those things that you went through did not stop you from pressing forward. Now fast forward. You press forward. You started. Rise now. The birthing pains of starting a business, the trials and the tribulations, we don't really talk about that. And we don't talk about it because I believe that there's a level of shame that people have when they start something new. Like we don't want to talk about, I'm struggling, or it's been really hard. I'm happy, but it's been really hard. This is where we get into the nitty gritty, especially within our culture where, yeah, girl, I started a cake business. Blah, blah, blah, cake. So good, so this, so that. Yeah, but I don't have enough clients. Why are we ashamed to talk about the real thing, to really talk about? I've taken this step, and sometimes I feel like I'm suffering more, but it's just what the truth is I feel like I'm worse off than I was, but I'm happy. I have a clearer head at times. But for you, in your situation, can you touch on a little bit of the grief? This is where the absence of joy come in, where you're like, I want to just throw in the towel, forget about it. But can you touch on a little bit about that within starting your nonprofit and being a business owner? [00:26:36] Speaker A: Yeah, it's hard. Like, I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't think it would be this hard. And I think when I started rise, I was like, okay, you file the articles of incorporation, you fill out the paperwork, get it trademarked, have your mission, and then you go to schools, and you partner with schools, and you just try to figure it out as your. What is that saying? Where it's riding a plane while driving it? Riding a car? I don't know. [00:27:16] Speaker B: You don't lost me on that one. Somebody helped me out. [00:27:22] Speaker A: It's like you're doing the program, but you're also trying to figure out all of those other moving pieces, administrative wise, and that has been a difficult part. And I did not know that I needed a lawyer on my board of directors. I was told that you needed five, at minimum. Five board of directors did that, but you should have a lawyer that's on your board for all legal things. Looking at contracts, an accountant, a certified accountant that is able to help you with all of the budgets, all of the grants, things like that, I felt like. I knew it was like, oh, yeah, you could have one. But I didn't think that it would be mandatory. I was like, oh, I think we got it. I think we can figure it out. No, you need those things. Like these past two years. Two, three years. Going on three years have been very difficult for us. I feel like we have reached so many kids now. We've reached over 200 kids, and we're four years in. We'll be five years, five years old in September of this year. And we've been reaching the children, but now it's like, how do we figure out the fiscal and financial part of the organization to make sure that we're stable and we're not depending on grants? We've gotten a ton of grants the past two and a half years, and I'm thinking, okay, this is great. Let me put. Hire people, sign contracts with folks, pay people. But what happens is that grant doesn't come in on time. [00:29:13] Speaker B: Oh, my. [00:29:15] Speaker A: What happens is your funders are going through their own financial situation, and they're not able to pay you until the next year. Still waiting on some months. So what do you do then? How do you maneuver? And so that's where not only a legal person comes into play, but also a financial person is very important in figuring out how do you generate revenue. I just had a conversation with someone who is starting his own business as a foundation, and he's just like, well, what do I do? What are the steps? And those were the first two things I said, you need to figure out an attorney, a lawyer, an accountant, and then what is your funding model? How are you going to fund your business without depending on capital funds? So those grants, how are you going to do that? And so that has been, like, the major challenge for us so far. However, God is good. In this month, we have been figuring out all of the things and have been pushing out workshops and merchandise and just figuring out how we're going to generate revenue. And some of our grant funds have come in, but we're not depending on that. We're depending on our funding model and how we will make money. Yeah. Without depending on those grants. So that has been a huge bursing pain. And I can go, you just let me know when you want me to stop. [00:30:59] Speaker B: Okay, keep going. [00:31:02] Speaker A: And I think finding the right staff is also important. When I started rise in 2016, I was just like, oh, yeah, I know this artist. They're great. They do a wonderful job. Or, I know this actor, he's wonderful. But are they right for the population that you're serving? [00:31:24] Speaker B: That's right. [00:31:26] Speaker A: Do they believe in your mission? Do they live out your mission? Because I know I live out the mission of the organization, and that was really hard. And I still feel like I'm learning. I'm learning and figuring out processes and creating processes and procedures to really do a thorough interview with folks that we're hiring, because it's important to have not only talented artists, but also artists that can work with our population of students who are neurodivergent and see the mission. And it's funny because I sit back and kind of laugh now, but I was not this person. 2016. Hear me? I was not this person 2015, 2014. When I was performing full time, I was not this person. And I will say out of this whole birthing process and out of all of the challenges and out of all of the grief that I've gone through, I am so much more a better woman, like, better person. I'm a stronger person, I'm a smarter person. I can do math, y'all. [00:32:50] Speaker B: One plus one is two. Praise God. [00:32:55] Speaker A: Give me that math practice now. Look. But yeah, it's just like coming out on the other side of it and going through the hills and valleys of it all because it doesn't stop. I mean, it doesn't stop. I feel like the bursting process never stops. You may hit like a peak that's like, all right, we're cruising, but it's always going to be something because this life is a never ending learning process. And I'm grateful for it because, you know, December, I was struggling, still struggling, hear me? But I'm grateful for it. I'm so much better for it. [00:33:37] Speaker B: And I think that, I don't know, this process of doing something outside of the norm is always mind boggling to me because it makes me think, even while you were talking, it made me think these birth and pains that you went through, knowing what you know now, does this mean that the next part of your journey is to equip other business owners? I don't know. You know what I mean? It makes me think, like, okay, you have rise. You set up this. You know what to do now. You know where you went wrong or what mistakes were made or what you didn't have because of the knowledge that you didn't have. And that's okay, because that's what happens when you're out there and you're pursuing something. We all not going to get it right the first time. And how dare someone judge you for not getting it right the first time. Okay. Meanwhile, you're not happy where you are. Uhoh. They don't want to have that type of conversation. Okay, I'm going to leave you alone. I'm going to come off your row. But it makes me think now that you know what you know, moving forward, what is your next mission? Is your next mission to take the pain, the hurt, the confusion, all of that trial and all of that tribulation, is that now for you to help others in a way where they are equipped and ready to move and ready to move forward, equipped with the right thing and have the right support. And yes, they may make mistakes, they should make mistakes because that's what happens, but the effects won't be as dire because of your knowledge and what you're able to give to them. So I don't know, does that mean you, and I'm saying all of this, folks, because I want you all to take into account your trial and your tribulation and what can you do to turn that around in acts of service for other people coming up because the problem is, although this generation is a generation of free thinkers, there wasn't enough passing on of the baton. There wasn't enough passing on of knowledge. Okay, sometimes, yes, for certain things, but not for all things. So what can we do now for this next generation of leaders that are coming behind us? We have to pass on the information. It does us no good to hold on to it. But how do we pass it on? Does that mean for, in your case, Cam, are you doing symposiums? Are you becoming that motivational speaker or that person that's able to put things into schools or into businesses to get people to be like, okay, these are the things that I need. Back then, we knew, okay, I need my application fee, or I need to get a voucher, and then I got to get my college application. Come on, now. Because we was using vouchers so we wouldn't have to pay for application fees to apply for college and this and that. And we had those guidance counselors for that. And then some of them were lazy, okay? And then some were not. But at this point now, how do we continue this beautiful cycle of people being able to be free in business and people being able to help others? It just makes me question and consider all of those notions and those questions of what if? Because, again, we don't talk about the woes of the business. I'm very interested to know those individuals who started their business in 2020. Height of the pandemic, coming out of the pandemic, post the pandemic, where are you now? Now that life has opened up, people are now walking around. Most people are not wearing masks, and people are trying to get back to what life was. And it'll never be normal in my eyes, but you know what I mean. What has that done for your business now? Are you still able to have your business, or did you have to, like you said, retweak the model on how you do it? Because I think we even had a conversation where you were talking about how, for you, you were doing online things now. And now that the world is kind of back, it's a little bit different from what it was. Can you talk a little bit about that? Because I even forgot that we even had that conversation. [00:38:35] Speaker A: Yeah, we really started virtual, kind of, sort of. So we started in. Sorry, not 2016. What am I saying? I did not say that correctly. We started in 2019. I started teaching in 2016 here in Baltimore. And when we started, we became a nonprofit, September of 2019, and we were at a recreation center, and we were gearing up to do the whiz. And then Covid happened, and so we just transitioned to virtual. Actually, I was working at Creative alliance, and Creative alliance was also doing that. And so I was, hmm, I wonder if we can model what they're doing. And so we did. We started virtual classes on Zoom, and I think we started with, like, five kids. And then the more we were sitting in the pandemic, the more other people in social media got to seeing what we're doing, how we're doing it. Then that's when we started to get more kids, and then that's when I started to charge, like, a small fee. And then once everything opened back up, it was like, okay, well, what do we do now? Kids aren't logging on. So we had to retweak, rethink some things. And then I reached out to Baltimore City Correction park in summer of, what was that? 2021? 22. We were at five different recreation centers working with over 100 children. It was ridiculous. And I was not prepared for that at all. I was like, whoa, there's only three teachers. There's only three of us. How do we do this? And so, yeah, that was a whole nother learning lesson of not taking on as many recreation centers just for, oh, so many kids. And, oh, it's money. But I definitely did not charge the right price. I definitely should have charged more. Yeah. So that was a whole learning curve of, okay, we need to not do that again, or we need to rethink how we do that. And then when it came to payment, I'm going to be transparent. Folks in Baltimore City don't like to pay your own time. We were waiting about two months for just one payment. One payment. And I had other people to pay one payment. So then these people are looking at me. Now that the camps are over and they still haven't gotten paid, what's happening? Where's my money? Whole learning situation, whole learning curve. And so through that, that's when you kind of start documenting down what specifically you need to do for the next go around and then prepare. So coming up with fundraisers and preparing those funds for not only operational costs and supplies for the kids, but also money for the teachers, just in case you don't receive your money from your not funders, your partners on time. It's so many ins and outs, so many. [00:42:07] Speaker B: Again, it's really interesting that you went through all of this and you still decided not to throw in the towel. [00:42:15] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:42:18] Speaker B: So where you are right now and what is stopping you from totally throwing your hands up, even with what you've been through, because you could have just been like, you know what? It's the end of the year 2023. I'd have been through this. I'd have been through that. I'm not going to do it no more. And I know I asked a similar question. Moving into starting rise. But now that you are within it, what is now stopping you from just washing your hands of it? And what is keeping you going? [00:43:01] Speaker A: The kids. [00:43:03] Speaker B: The purpose. [00:43:04] Speaker A: Yeah, the kids. They keep coming back. [00:43:12] Speaker B: That's good. [00:43:13] Speaker A: I mean, it is wonderful. And then we had a moment this past December where we had to end our school year program a bit early for the holidays. And the kids were so upset. They said, why are we ending early? I wanted to do this. I wanted to do that. Well, are you guys going to email us? Can we call you? Can we text you? And I'm just like, everybody calm down. We'll see you in February. But it's the kids. And just seeing them grow, seeing them wanting to be there, I oftentimes will ask them. So currently, I don't necessarily. Well, it depends. I'll step in for a teaching artist here and there, and then I'll support. But for my teenagers, who usually do visual arts and entrepreneurship classes with us, I'll come in and I'll just sit and talk to them, and I'll ask them, how are you liking the program? What are you learning? And they'll say, I love it here. I love it here. Can we do this? Can we do that? And I'm just like, they're telling me what to do now. Okay, all right. We could roll with it. I mean, use a voice and choice. So, of course, we take that into consideration and talk with the team and then plan out things. But it's the kids. It really is the kids. And seeing them happy, seeing them make money off of the artwork that they sell, seeing their artwork, seeing them not knowing that they're capable of finding their voice through performing arts, it's just such a beautiful thing to see. And even their families just seeing them come alive, like, they may have trouble in school, behavior challenges in school, but at rise, they don't. We have no behavioral challenges at rise at all. We may get some stubbornness of, well, why do we have to do that? And then they see on the other end of that activity why they had to do it. And they're grateful for it. And they're like, oh, okay, I get it. But just seeing the parents happy and them seeing their growth, I think, has made me, we got to keep going even though I want to quit, I quit every day administratively. I quit every day administratively, but not with the kids. Like if I go into programming, I'm there, I'm present, I'm employed by Rise Art center of Baltimore. Here we are. But when I sit at that desk and start crunching numbers and looking at numbers, going to meetings with accountants, and sometimes I want to quit, but the kids make it all more, all the more worth it. And I'm just excited because I can see what God is doing and I can see, like I said, why the challenges have happened. And I'm excited to see where we're about to go this year and all of the other opportunities that have opened up for us recently. Like within the past couple of weeks, I'm just like, we might be in PG county for a little bit or Howard county. Like, folks are talking to us. Folks want to know more. We just put out. I do supporting neurodiverse learners through performance and art making workshops that I've been sitting on for a while just because I was nervous. I've been sitting on that workshop. I've done it a couple of times to college students and for some teachers here in Baltimore City, but I've been sitting on it for a while and something told me to release it and make it open to everyone, everywhere. We've gotten messages from folks in PG County, Howard county, wanting me to lead this workshop for their teachers, their organizations. So I'm seeing like, okay, lord, I see you. [00:47:14] Speaker B: I mean, with me being from Fairfax county, I'm about to send your name to the right person. Come on. Yeah, this is good. This is good because this also shows that everything that you went through was not in vain. And this also shows that, and we talked about this before about the purpose of what things are supposed to look like or not supposed to look like. But what would you like things to look like and where do you go from here? And that you wanted to change locations? And could it be that you gearing up for locations in the area, surrounding areas, that's going to take you nationwide? I mean, why not? This is your specialty. This is what you do. I don't see nobody doing classes or offering classes and offering that level of expertise concerning performing arts. Performing arts is an art form that's starting to die because no one is putting forth the effort, no one is teaching anymore. No one is giving the basics. And Broadway isn't looking like what it's supposed to look like. You know what I mean? Performance spaces are not looking like what it's supposed to look like. There are performance spaces that don't have funding, so they're starting to die out. They don't have people that are putting forth the dollar and the big buck. So that's why people create theater within their communities. You need that level of expertise. You need that person to do that. So why not use you it? You know what I mean? Why not you? And I think that that's a lesson that everyone can learn, not just for myself, but those who are listening. That everything that you go through that leads you to that moment of taking huge faith in any aspect where you are uncertain of what the future is going to look like. That it's not all in vain, it's all for a particular reason. And sometimes we just have to look at the bigger picture. [00:49:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:49:54] Speaker B: Sometimes we just got to look at the bigger picture. And it's hard to do that when you're in the brush of things and when you're in all of that, it's hard to look at that. But the fact that where you're standing now and what you see forthcoming gives you more sunlight and more hope than what you have just been through. [00:50:18] Speaker A: Yeah, that's real. I'm grateful. [00:50:21] Speaker B: You know what I mean? [00:50:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm grateful because it was some dark times. I mean, some really dark times. And yes, rise is my full time job, but I also have part time jobs and having to work those and still commit to rise. Yeah, there's some dark days. But overall, like you said, looking at that bigger picture and your impact and who it can impact, it's worth it. It's worth it. [00:50:57] Speaker B: Family, are you considering a leap? Are you feeling apprehensive or encouraged? Consider confronting the things that frighten you. You are the driver and you are in control. Take the leap and watch God do the rest. You might join in grieving, but you're going to come out healed. I love you and thank you.